Posts Tagged With: Adoption

Meeting Micah

I’ve posted before about the day we met our second son. The call, the drive, the hospital stay…but I put very few, if any pictures of that day. I’d love to share a glimpse of the day we met him. There was immense excitement and unlike E’s birth..I remember every moment. With E I felt like the whole day was an experience that overwhelmed every part of me. It was intense and real, painful and emotional. It clouded my memory and left me so thankful to have pictures. With M, though….the entire day felt like somebody else’s day that I was watching with amazement. In all ways it was somebody else’s day. Somebody else’s moment. And to grasp that it was also our day is kind of surreal.

The day was beautiful, as was every soaked up moment. I was excited like a little child and also I was internally telling myself that God had ordained this day. He made it to be and no matter what happened I should be all in. It’s easy to want to stand back and not get too close. At that moment it’s all up for grabs. My baby wasn’t yet my baby and at the same time..he was all ours. And we stood ย in awe of him.

Here are a few of the moments we got to experience.. many of those moments are too precious and sacred to share outside of our family.

I don't think I could gather a thought or sentence in this moment..

I don’t think I could gather a thought or sentence in this moment..

The nurse allowed him to meet daddy before going to the nursery

The nurse allowed him to meet daddy before going to the nursery

We have a baby boy!

We have a baby boy!

First bath...not a fan that day

First bath…not a fan that day

Yummmm.

Yummmm.

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Going home :)

Going home ๐Ÿ™‚

Every time I look at these I can see in our faces that same look as the first time we sat in a hospital with our first born baby boy…”I am so happy I can’t even say happy or any other word that should describe this and at the same time I can’t even believe that this is real…wow.” There are just very little thoughts or words to describe this wonderful day.

But wonderful is a good place to start. ๐Ÿ™‚

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Categories: Adoption | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

Micah’s Newborn Pics!

Heyyy! Did you hear we have a new baby named Micah?! I haven’t talked about it on here non stop or anything! ๐Ÿ˜‰

This post is going to be one of my faves for a couple of reasons…first I get to share with you how we got newborn pics in the first place when we thought it was a luxury that would not happen due to uhhh…budgeting. Then I get to share his pics with you!

The story:

If you’ve ever seen my blog or facebook you know that for a whiilllleee we were raising money for our adoption fund (we raised over 2/3 of what we needed! yay!). Beyond that fund, we were on lock down budget wise so when it came to photographing our new bundle we thought we be pointing and clicking ourselves. Still cute but not quite what I dreamed of…but that’s okay! (i’ll be honest, i kind of really did dream of those picture perfect shots and i was a little sad but not in a “oh my gosh my life is over” way).

One day I got a facebook message from a sweet mom I had met once about two years ago when we first moved here. I hadn’t seen her since but did keep up with her life via facebook. She has her own Photography business you can see here doing lifestyle photography and also things like newborn, seniors, families…etc. She is AWESOME. I thought that before I got her message. She generously offered to do a newborn session for us and gift us with the images…FOR FREE. WHAT?! I cried. Like really and truly I have been totally knocked off my feet as people around us are so generous but I was trying to hold in my tears as each new day presented a new gift, or sweet note, or words of encouragement and this was just the thing to send me over the edge. An almost stranger had it on her heart to take time away from her life for us. WOW. I can say God is good…and not because He gives us stuff but because He leads us and those around us and gives us testimonies of His grace and goodness. He is good.

So a few days later she trecked to our house and began to take the most precious shots of not only Micah, but Emerson and myself too. I can attest to her incredible talent because she actually got some really sweet photos of Emerson who was being a heightened version of his anti-camera self that day. And not only that but she’s reaalllly good with kids and fun to chat with! I might be trying telling you that if you want a photographer ย who is perfect in every way, then you found one! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Okay, okay. But I am really thankful that the Lord laid it on her heart and ย for Jessica Sowards Photography.

Here are my favorites from the session. (PS…Adam had a FULL day of meetings booked, before we scheduled this session. He wanted to be there very badly, but could not)

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this is Emerson's life. Underwear all day. ;)

this is Emerson’s life. Underwear all day. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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Emerson WOULD NOT take a picture with Micah and after he complied with this one.....

Emerson WOULD NOT take a picture with Micah and after he complied with this one…..

yep...that's my little sly one...

yep…that’s my little sly one…

who loves to attack mommy...

who loves to attack mommy…

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and then asked Jessica to take just his pic on this chair...

and then asked Jessica to take just his pic on this chair…

Micah :)

Micah ๐Ÿ™‚

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I love the real-ness (it's a word) of this pic

I love the real-ness (it’s a word) of this pic

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The session was technically over but Emerson wasn’t paying attention so she capitalized on the opportunity of getting them next to each other…
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after realizing that we took advantage of him watching tv to join their hands, Emerson quickly moved away to preserve his fight to not take pictures.

after realizing that we took advantage of him watching tv to join their hands, Emerson quickly moved away to preserve his fight to not take pictures.

I LOVE the ones of Emerson on my back and the ones of Micah by himself. Heck, I love them all! I love that we got the “newborn” shots and the real life shots that are such precious memories.

Thank you to Jessica Sowards Photography for making it possible to have these and being so good with my children! We are forever grateful!

 

Categories: Adoption, Family Pics, Motherhood | Tags: , | 4 Comments

Micah’s story, part two: the hospital

(if you;d like to catch up on part 1, read my previous post)

At 7:10 am on October 22nd, I was up getting ready for my mom’s bible study and Adam was getting Emerson breakfast. My phone rang. It was time to go to the hospital and welcome our second son to the world! AHHHHHHH!!!! I hung up the phone and literally screamed and jumped up and down. Adam looked at me like… I was his wife (he knows my level of crazy) and we went into action. We got Emerson to his planned destination and loaded up into the car that had been packed with stuff for the hospital for a few days. We had waited only five days for the hospital call! As we drove a few hours away to the hospital we prayed and talked about various baby things. We tried deparately to settle on a name. Micah had been one of the only names we both loved and Nicholas is an adaptation of my middle name (Emerson has Adam’s). By the time we reached the hospital, Micah Nicholas was settled.

Micah Nicholas..love. ๐Ÿ™‚

This story is amazing to me. I just have to warn you that it’s not possible I could do it justice with my words.

Before arriving we knew we’d be meeting the birth mom that day. I’ll call her Shelly. We knew she was willing to have me in the room for the delivery. That was an amazing thing. That’s about all we knew.

As we journeyed toward her room, hand in hand, my heart was beating out of my chest. I am about to meet my son’s birth mother. The woman who is carrying him and loves him in a way I’ll never know. We are joyfully walking into this room but also saddened by the situation and the sadness she has…the reality that as we welcome him, she is saying a heartbreaking good-bye. How do you navigate equal amounts of joy and sorrow? You ask for wisdom and walk in the room and do the best you know how. You don’t know how.

We opened the door and there was Shelly and the adoption counselor, Michelle. There she was. She smiled her big, beautiful smile at us and we exchanged big hugs. For a few hours we got to sit and get to know her as we waited for Micah to arrive. We heard about her life, her children, Micah’s family, her interests, the moment she chose us, and many other things I’ll cherish forever. Many things I tucked away in my memory to write down to share with Micah one day. In those few hours I saw her concern as Micah’s heart rate dropped. I saw her love for him and I was so thankful. I had prayed that God would bless his story with a mom who loves him. A mom who didn’t want to see him go. And He did. I get to share that with him as he grows…that his other mom, she loves him and she wants to know how he is. That overwhelms my heart. I know not all children will have that..

After some time, the doctor came in the room and announced they would be taking her for a c-section because Micah’s heart rate was dropping too low.

She allowed me to come too. I want to say that in some beautiful way….how much that meant, how hard that must have been, but I can’t. She allowed both of his moms to welcome him. It brings me to my knees to think about. I can’t even describe the joy it brought to see him come into this world.

After putting on the really fashionable scrubs I joined her in the operating room. I’ll never in a thousand years have a more powerful moment. We held hands and cried together. She allowed me to pray with her and encourage her strength throughout the surgery. Our eyes were locked on each other until the moment we heard his first strong cry. We both smiled and she told me to go meet him. God’s power guided those moments. On my own I may have had a million scary thoughts whirling around, a million things I would have done differently but His thoughts entered my mind in that moment. I wouldn’t have changed a thing…Don’t for a moment think I’m strong on my own. I was overwhelmed by her strength more than my own.

We let go of each others hand and I went over to meet Micah. He was gorgeous (aside from the newborn goo), and spittin mad. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Shelly told me “congratulations mom”..and tears of joy flooded my eyes.

I’ll never be able to thank the nurses enough for their thoughtfullness. I lost all brain power as I stared at him and they reminded me to take pictures. One of them took my camera from me for a picture together and as she whisked us to the nursery she broke the rules and let me go introduce him to Adam for a split second.

In the nursery they went through all of their tests and such and I just watched him. Adam watched through the window and we smiled at each other. Our baby boy was with us! And again, he was MAD…until he got a bottle which he loudly gulped down. ๐Ÿ˜‰

We FINALLY got to go to our room with him (another generous thing the hospital provided) to cuddle and fall deeper in love with our newest son. Our son. Wow. We stayed with him every minute we could for the next few days. I got one night alone with him while Adam went home to be with Emerson.

The next morning Micah spent some time with Shelly and they said their “see you laters”. I’m forever thankful for the time we got to spend with her. I’m thankful that she was gracious enough to take pictures with us and him so that one day he can see everyone who helped bring him into the world that day. I’m again so thankful to have to have seen her love for him.

After our sweet good-byes we loaded into the car for our long drive and headed home with Micah Nicholas…

Categories: Adoption, Birthday, Motherhood | Tags: , | Leave a comment

Micah’s story,part 1:the call

Micah came into this world almost a month ago but his story began before the day we laid eyes on our new son.

While I don’t feel it appropriate to share everything, I do want to share some of how God placed him with us.

On April 26th, we attended our first adoption meeting and on October 22nd Michah Nicholas came into this world and into our family. It blows me away to think that the day Adam and I sat to listen to the adoption process in a meeting, God was already molding our sweet boy in his birth mommy’s tummy. ย And He was molding our hearts to be ready to meet him not too long after. That day we felt like we’d already been waiting forever but God had gone before us as He always does and knew that the waiting would bring the perfect child into our family. Thank you God for knowing what we don’t.

About a month before Micah was born I was really struggling with when we would have another baby. I was wondering why God wanted us to wait. I was sad to keep waiting. But God was preparing me.

On a Thursday in October I ran 10 miles. At least 8 of those were spent telling God all of my fears and releasing my will to His. I know that sounds crazy to some, but it was amazingly freeing to leave that run with a changed heart and having told God that I’d wait a year…I’d wait two or however long for another child. I wouldn’t keep being sad but in the meantime I’d cherish my son and husband. I finished that run knowing I would be clinging to the Lord and that I’d be just fine.

The next day I went to the dentist and as a friend who had adopted cleaned my teeth (weird, I know), she told me all about their adoption and about the waiting and asked me questions. As I listened I processed so many things about what I’d expected and how God just does His own thing and doesn’t leave us without peace. It was finally fun to hear someone else’s story.

I got home that afternoon and saw I had missed a call. It was the call we’d been waiting for…so we thought. A mom having a girl had chosen us! She wanted to meet with us that following Wednesday! We were thrilled and nervous. After meeting with her though we had an uneasy feeling about the situation. Remember how God always provides peace? The next day we talked to Jana (our adoption specialist) and she understood our concerns. We really didn’t know where to go from there. Do we reject what God had seemingly placed in our hands? Certainly not right? Well, about an hour later we got another call from J saying something very unexpected (Adam got this call). This doesn’t normally happen, but the people in the Bethany office (our agency) felt like the holy spirit was prompting them to give us an opportunity to show our book to another mom. What?. The mom would be looking at book THAT DAY. What?.

I’ll just be honest, I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t even make an decision. I knew any decision I chose would be purely one from a heightened emotional state and I’d question if it was right. I was so thankful to have a Godly, spiritual leader for my husband in that moment. I knew I could give it over to him and he’d make a decision that was best. So Adam chose to show her our profile book. Funny thing though…they didn’t take our book to show (the profile books are the books you spend weeks making…pouring over the perfect pictures and telling the perfect story of your family to show to birth mothers). So this mom looked at four beautiful books of other couples. And after looking at these books (with stories and pictures) was shown a picture of us on a cell phone. Sigh…who would choose that over those books? Well…She said “that mom (me) has a sparkle and I want them to raise my baby”.

God goes before us. He tramples reason.

What?!? (PS allllll of this happened while Adam was out of town) I was at lunch while we waited to see if she chose us with Adam’s co-workers and on the drive there my only words were. “OH MY GOSH” I road with a friend who thankfully I could tell our story to and repeat that phrase to repeatedly.

I had asked God to made it abundantly clear where He was leading and He did. And the next part was that this baby BOY could be born at any moment! WHAT?!?? YAYYYYY!!!!

For the moment all we knew was he was healthy, big, and coming at any time. ย So we set up places for Emerson and we waited….

๐Ÿ™‚

Categories: Adoption, Family | Tags: , | Leave a comment

5 minutes later..

So we finally got to share our baby boy Micah news this week! It’s been quite a whirlwind and it all happened really, really fast….but we are adjusting to two little boys and loving every second. The visits and meals and thoughtful things our friends have done has made this transition all the more special, not to mention easier! We are so thankful!

That’s not to say every second is calm and peaceful! About 5 minutes after we posted our announcement the other day, THIS is what our home actually looked like..

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Oh sweet reality. Two boys crying and one bewildered looking man.

Bless them.

One of them is oh but 7 days old and the other just got put on a steroid medication this week for asthma that has turned his sweet two year old world into…well the above picture describes his all the time state of mind pretty well. I really feel for him. Trying to adjust to a new baby and being put on medicine that makes you feel crazy cannot be easy.

He does have sweet sweet moments too. He is Emerson after all, and Emerson is very sweet.

We’ve been doing our best to love on each boy equally, which is interesting when one screams “cuddle me” and the other screams “activity!”.

We really are soaking in these first days at home and loving these boys we are blessed to parent.

Can I share a few pics with you!!?

Yay!

Daddy's first time to meet Micah!

Daddy’s first time to meet Micah!

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I got REALLLLY crazy excited :)

I got REALLLLY crazy excited ๐Ÿ™‚

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Yeah...

Yeah…

Here's the big bro!! Don't worry, he's wearing undies ;)

Here’s the big bro!! Don’t worry, he’s wearing undies ๐Ÿ˜‰

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sweet brothers...my heart is bursting

sweet brothers…my heart is bursting

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Micah boy

Micah boy

Happy Wednesday!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Categories: Adoption, Family, firsts | Tags: | 3 Comments

a “little pumpkin” to add to our patch

We have been anxiously waiting to be able to share some really really REALLY exciting news with you!

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About a week and a half ago we got a call…THE CALL, that a birth mom had chosen us! US!! Our newest “little pumpkin” would be joining our family soon! ๐Ÿ˜‰

WE ARE…AHHHHH!… SO EXCITED!!!!

THIS.

IS.

AWESOME.

But don’t wander off yet, there’s more! When we heard we’d be welcoming a baby soon, “soon” meant like, REALLY soon! Like 5 days from that phone call soon!

So we have more amazing, exciting, wonderful, over the moon news to share!

Our second son was welcomed into this world and our into our family on October 22! WE HAVE ANOTHER LITTLE BOUNCING BABY BOY!

Whoo-hoo!

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MICAH NICHOLAS

Born October 22, 2013

9 lb 7 oz

and 100% perfect

๐Ÿ™‚

Thank you for all of your support and prayers while we waited for the child that God had for us! We’re excited to share more with you soon! For now, we are going to be snuggling our boys. ๐Ÿ™‚

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Love, the Sauers …a blessed little family of four.

๐Ÿ™‚

Categories: Adoption | Tags: | 3 Comments

Exciting things happening here!!!

There are some pretty dang exciting things happening with the Sauer family right now!!
We aren’t quite ready to gush about all the details but have a request…
Please pray with us that God would give us peace and confidence in the next few days and that we would be fully on board with HIS plan for our families future.

And we hope that we can reveal a sweet secret with you soon!
๐Ÿ™‚
Thank you for your prayers!
Love,
The Sauers

Categories: Adoption | Tags: | Leave a comment

You still there?

Good!!
I just wanted to take a moment to give an update on our adoption fundraising progress, because you may be a big part of that progress financially or prayerfully or…just coriosity-ully. See what I did there?!;)
Two ish months ago we sent out letters and posted online that we are adoption and raising $ for the expenses that go towards that. Our goal is 18,000 and in two months we have been so blessed and overwhelmed to receive over 6,000 in addition to what we continue to add! Whoop!! Whatever part you have in this process, thank you times like a million!!!
We are continuing to work towards that larger number but I’m amazed at how far God has brought us! Yip yip for Jesus! (If you have a Diego watching boy you understand yip yip)
We should hear back about grants in the next couple of months so please pray with us for good news on that front!
We appreciate your support more than you could ever know!:)
Here’s the link to see our progress if you’re interested (no pressure, but if you are, click on that bad boy!) ! www.gofundme.com/thesauerfamily

Categories: Adoption, Family | Tags: , | 2 Comments

Paper pregnant.

**Throughout our adoption process I have looked for blogs to read that I can relate with. Here is what I’ve found: happy thoughts and hopeful words… ย While those are certainly on my heart and in my mind there is another side of waiting that few people seem to write about. For me, if I don’t write things out I get a little congested with thoughts in my head. It helps to clear them out. It helps to just be honest. So maybe one random person will identify. That’s the only hope that would prompt me to put these words on my blog. One person.

….

Sigh.

SIGGGHHHH.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord… to give you hope and a future.”

UUGGGHHHHH. Eye roll. (did I just eye roll God?) Double Sigh…

Does that sum up for you my current “status”?

About two months ago an acquaintance and I were chatting about babies and adoption. She was pregnant. She referred to me as “paper pregnant”. It was cute that day. I thought, “hmmm..I guess in a way I am pregnant.” Waiting for a baby to hold and be given the gift of caring for. No baby that’s visible in my belly. No kicking. No sickness. No due date. No promise. Just paper. The term these days kind of makes me crazy. We are waiting without knowing what or when or how. Or when. Or…when… Just paper.

I said a while back I’m still not stressed about this process. I’m stressed. Some days. I’m not. Other days.

It’s only been like a technical two months of waiting (nothing really). It’s really been over four years for us. We have been trying to grow a family for four years. Pregnancy is 9 months so I’d say we are not too great at the “growing” part. And yes, I find it easier to remember that God hasn’t given us a second child than I do remembering that, duh…we already have an extraordinary first. Just like all of those God-fearing people in the bible…takes about 2 seconds to forget what God has done. Awesome.

I had a conversation with a sweet friend the other day. A much more real conversation than my half thoughts on this blog. Here is the summary:

God blessed me with, life, love, friends, a child, a home, salvation (hello!), family, oh and so many people supporting us in this process… and this list could go on and on. ย MORE. So much more than so many and so much more than I’d ever deserve.

What joy should fill my heart! What thankfulness and reverence. And although it does….at times.

I want to cry almost everyday. ย I ask God when He will finally give us what we long for. Why it’s taking what feels like an eternity. I choose to suck the joy right out of many moments. And to disregard the blessings I have already…

Why?

That’s a pretty deep question that can be summarized surprisingly simply.

My longing (probably the deepest tangible longing ย in my life…ever) has choked out my trueย longing.ย 

God has plans for me. They are for good and not to harm me. They are for hope and a future. They are. But in the moments that tears fall. I’m not crying out to God or for God, I’m crying out for Him to just give me what I want, regardless of that great plan and future He has. My longing for a growing family (which by itself is not bad) is so strong and consuming that it’s choking out my longing for the Lord. I fall into the weakness of every human. I’m selfish and I know it. But as my friend agreed, I won’t stay stuck there. I won’t. I can’t. Life has a bigger purpose that I will miss.

I find myself repeating the same few verses to myself everyday. ย About every 30 minutes. Seriously, many many times. Reading scripture to allow myself to remember what God has done, not only in my life but since the beginning of time. And how it all leads to good. All of it.

I know one day a baby will be will us. I know one day a due date will come and it will be more than paper. And even if it didn’t I want to say that I lived for God in the middle of it. I want to say I was seeking Him. I want to look back and know that it was hard, but in the end my deepest longing was not of this world, but from above. Lord, help me remember.

This process is stretching me and my dependence and relationship with God. It’s strengthening trust. It’s helping me to understand what God means when He says that all things work together for my good. “My good” isn’t fulfilled without being for His glory. “My good” are words I can’t comprehend and vastly different from what my small perspective could imagine. They are also words I can only hear and say easily until life gets hard. I think I can thank the Lord for revealing truth more deeply. I’m pretty sure I should. ๐Ÿ™‚

“For the joy of the Lord is my strength.” I accomplish nothing apart from Him.

Categories: Adoption, Family | Tags: , | Leave a comment

Is that our baby?

For several months people close to us have begun to ask, “how does Emerson feel about having a baby brother or sister?”. At the time we hadn’t really mentioned the possibility to him. Our tender hearted little man was less than two at the time and we didn’t think he could understand yet, and certainly didn’t want to disappoint him. How exactly do you tell a small child who adores looking at pictures of his pregnant mommy that he may get a baby brother or sister soon. Or maybe not soon. And that, no the baby will not be in mommy’s belly which is his most basic understanding of where babies come from. How?

One day we went out on a limb and asked him, “Emerson, would you like a baby brother or sister?” His lively reply of “YES!” came with a lot of ease since we’d never explained it to him. “Emerson, would you like a noodle or a snail for your baby brother or sister?” “YES!” Okay. Got it. We are at ground zero on this topic.

Following that “conversation” we have begun to tell him more about siblings and to show him in his own world some examples of friends who have little sister or a big brother. In a few weeks time he began to understand that concept a little more and have less concern for noodle brothers. So that’s good, right?

Now we have begun to tell him that we don’t know when but he will one day be a big brother. We don’t amp this story up and get him all excited because that would be really really hard to explain when he’s suddenly ready for that baby. We just wait for opportunities, whether in books or in real life to point out small examples of siblings and bringing another person in our home. We also moved him to his new big boy room and explained that maybe someday another baby will get to sleep in the crib. (dear Lord I hope we are not mutilating this process)

He seems excited at the thought of babies. When mommy actually holds them though? Maybe not so much. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Just recently we were out to dinner and I excitedly took the opportunity to hold a friends small baby boy. I just stared at him, because babies are something of a complete miracle and provoke amazement in me. As I looked on I felt a small hand touch my arm. I looked to my side and serious, small eyes met mine. “Mommy, is that our baby?” I knew in that moment that something is clicking for him. In some small way he knows that a baby is a possibility and he’s wondering which baby it is. In some small way that breaks my heart because we don’t have any tangible milestones to help it make sense, but at the same time I see a new interest in loving on and pointing out wee little ones and it warms my thoughts to know that it’s a positive thing in his mind.

I don’t know if our methods are perfect. I don’t know a lot of things in that area but I know that most children have several months to prepare. Prepare their little minds and hearts for new love, for sharing mommy and daddy, for their little world to be changed. I know those children don’t fully “get it” at Emerson’s age but they have the chance to know something and I believe he should too.

He has asked one other time if a baby is ours. One day I’ll say yes. Oh, how I am excited (and nervous) for that day!

๐Ÿ™‚

P.S. I am totally open to random expert advice. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Categories: Adoption, Motherhood | Tags: , | Leave a comment